Good morning everyone,

Today is the one year anniversary of my diagnosis and I don’t know what to do with myself.  I am ecstatic, I am excited, I am overjoyed, I am humbled, I am blessed, and I am alive!!!  Driving to work in my car this morning, I screamed out at the top of my lungs, I AM ALIVE!!!  Can you hear me?  Haha.

For those of you who know me well, you know how devastated I was when I found out that I had breast cancer.  You held my hand, sat beside me, fed me, held me, prayed for me, ran errands, brought food, flowers (I love flowers, but then again doesn’t every girl?), popsicles, movies, Netflix, cards, books, helped me to take care of my baby, helped me to take care of me, cried with me, rejoiced with me; you brought me love; you gave me back to myself when in my pain and despair, I had forgotten who I was, and you stood beside me as I went through the process of physical metamorphosis through my treatment and spiritual metamorphosis in my walk with God.  

I am so thankful and grateful to all of you for your love and support and I know I couldn’t have done it without you.  I used to be so independent, and still am, but I now know that some interdependence does count for something.  I learned that life is a big circle, a circle of love and community.  One of the most powerful lessons I learned is to reach out to the other hands in the circle when I needed to and to ask for help.  Giving alone is only half of the blessing; learning to receive with gratitude and love completes it.  

I also learned to be thankful for challenges and for the things I cannot yet see.  Putting our faith in God fully allows him to know that we do trust Him to do his work…and he will.  I learned to live my best life now, fully and with gusto, for this moment today, now is yours and mine.  Hold it and rub your face in it, like you would a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer, smell the fabric softener and revel in it…you know what I mean. :O)

Again, thanks to all of you.  I love you.  Thanks for being my teachers and my inspiration.

Last, but most importantly, thanks and gratitude to my baby Noel for inspiring me and giving me a reason to hold on when I was at my darkest hours.  You have been one of God’s greatest manifestations in my life.  Thank you for being my baby.

JANUARY 22, 2007

In six weeks, it will be a year since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer.  What a difference a year makes.  For those of you who have been recently diagnosed or are going through treatment, this may sound trite, but this time will pass quickly.  You don’t want to hear it, I am sure.  I didn’t want to hear it either, so it is okay.  Having breast cancer or cancer of any kind is an indescribably frightening thing and at time is overwhelming and might seem inescapable.  It is easy to escape most things that bring us pain, discomfort or unhappiness in life, but when it comes to something like cancer, that is inside your body, threatening your life, how do you deal?  Talking to family and friends is helpful, or even joining a support group, although that can be time-consuming with the physical and time demands of treatment.  During treatment, sometimes, life can seem out of your hands, literally, with the needles, medication, and all.

What got me through it is something so simple that you might laugh when I tell you this, but I will tell you anyway.  Here it goes…. I made up my mind that I would get through it, and that was half the battle.  Secondly, I put one foot in front of the other.  You see, after I got diagnosed, I would think, “I don’t know whether these people are right or wrong.  Will I live a full life, or will I die of cancer today, next month, five years from now?”  I worried incessantly.  So, I decided that no matter what my prognosis, I would take control of my life and define what I wanted from the experience.  You need to decide what it is you want from yours.  You want to survive, yes.  However, survival in and of itself is like just existing and not making the most of life.  As challenging as it may seem, try to find the speck of hope or one thing in this experience that you can use to give your life meaning.  At times it may feel like cancer defines your life; yet, you have the opportunity to decide to redefine it through this experience.  My hope for you is that you will find that something in your life, that hope, that dream and despite your current health challenge, make it a reality, because it is you that creates your experience, and not the experience that creates you.

I know this because although next week will be two months since my last treatment, I too still struggle with defining and redefining myself after this experience.  I still have questions and seek answers.  I still worry and wonder; yet, in spite of it all, I move forward, squarely putting one foot in front of the other.  Try it; you might discover something new about yourself, and in just the act of moving forward, you will create a future beyond cancer.

Yesterday I had my last day of treatment.  At about 5:15, I walked down the hall of the radiology office towards the elevator.  It was over.   I had overwhelming feelings of “I made it! I survived”; feelings of humility and grace in the presence of God as I felt Him embrace me now, tighter than He ever had before; thankfulness for having more time to be here on Earth, to be a mother to my child and to serve His purpose; coupled with sadness of what I’d had to endure; loss of my life of the past; love for the angels (heavenly and Earthly) that carried me; the fact that I would miss the people that had become an everyday part of my life for nearly a year; unsure of the new, wonderful life I have been blessed with and am about to embark upon; and an overwhelming compassion for the women who would be diagnosed at the very moment I sat celebrating and thanking God for his victory in my life.

Statistics show that this year, one in three women will be diagnosed every day with breast cancer.  I write this blog for you.

I want to say to you that where you are now is a place that others have gone through before you, and we understand.  Yet, although millions have gone through before you, your life and story are unique - your feelings of shock, fear, wondering “why”, wanting to run out of your own body, anger and loss, are all totally normal; let them run their course.  

You have been given devastating news, and it is okay to feel exactly as you are.  As you go along through this experience, the most important thing is to be true to yourself and your feelings.  When I was diagnosed, I too, was overwhelmed with a multitude of emotions, some I didn’t even know how to articulate, and still don’t.  I wondered how I was “supposed” to feel and what I was “supposed” to be doing, but there is no prescription for dealing with the news that you have cancer, especially at such a young age.   All I can say to you is to just be as you are, feel what you feel – that is the best you can do.  Learn to lean on the people that love you, yes, it is okay to do that, and it is okay to cry.  

As you go through surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, whatever your prescribed treatment, know that you will get through it.  And you will do so by putting one foot in front of the other, and moving through every moment, realizing that you are still here, now.  Try not to think of the months or years ahead, but just the moment. Celebrate that now, you are alive, whatever the circumstance.  And, as hard as it might be for you to recognize now, I know, and I hold this wish for you, that soon, you will realize the value in your experience, and know that what you are going through is about less about cancer, and more about living with purpose.  So, as you try to make sense of this craziness, just keep that in the back of your mind – breast cancer may be the worst thing that has ever happened to you, but you are still here…so live!

OCTOBER 19, 2006

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for visiting my site.  If you have had a chance to
peruse my web pages, you are aware of my mission to empower and change the lives of women all around the world.  I hope you join me on that journey.  I truly believe that we are all connected.  I also believe that we can cure social and physical ailments if we commit ourselves to committing random acts of kindness, and CONNECTING with everyone that we meet.  You see, people think that change is difficult.  It isn't. You just have to open your mind and help one person at a time.

So, when you go out today, smile at the lady in the car next to you.  
Say good morning to the man in the elevator.  Leave that extra dime in the vending machine for the next person that may need it.  Wink at the
screaming three year old in the plane next to you.  You never know how you can change a life for the better with a simple gesture.  Listen to your heart, listen to the wind.  Smile back at the sun.

You'll see.  It will make a difference...with you.  That's how change
starts.

Have a gorgeous day... I know I will.

Maimah